Content Notes: emotional abuse, death
My friend Sandy Kinnamon was found dead in her car on Thursday, July 28th. She, reportedly, disappeared on Sunday, July 24th.
I don’t believe in misrepresenting how a person lived her life to deify her in death. Like every human, Sandy was flawed, struggled, and made mistakes. More importantly, she was so very good. Sandy and I became close friends several years ago through our social justice activism. She was a loving mother and fiercely devoted to her children. Sandy was a friend to many. She could always be counted on to defend the underdog. She was always on the side of right and fair. As a friend, she was loyal, unfailingly kind, generous to a fault, and forgiving. Sandy was feisty and funny. No one could make me roar with laughter more than Sandy.
To say that I am profoundly sad, angry, and confused over her death is an understatement. But I’ve chosen to process my grief privately. The loss that I feel is not small but pales in comparison to that of her children, her family, and society in general. Not without reservation, I’ve made the decision to use my public space to share my concerns about the circumstances surrounding her death. I’m going to do my best to respect Sandy’s confidence and respect the privacy of her children and family at the same time as I ask that her death be given more than a perfunctory investigation.
I hadn’t spoken to Sandy, privately, in months until the Wednesday and Thursday prior to her disappearance. Not because we’d had a falling out. I’d been ill and mostly off the grid. She reached out to me via Facebook Instant Messenger. At this point, I’m not going to share the exact content of our communications publicly; although, I have shared with the Allen, TX police. In short, Sandy was at loose ends and wanted to talk via telephone about the difficulties she was having in her marriage. Not for the first time, Sandy mentioned being the victim of emotional abuse. It is worth noting that I am not the only friend with whom Sandy shared these experiences. On Thursday, we decided that she would call me Sunday.
I didn’t hear from Sandy Sunday. This wasn’t particularly unusual–both Sandy and I had a history of missing chat dates. I didn’t think anything of it. Not until I received the following text from her husband on Wednesday morning.
Obviously, my concern for her well-being was immediate. With the context of Sandy’s body being discovered in her car, this text is alarming. I’d never spoken to her husband prior to receiving this text. Because of the nature of what Sandy had shared with me about their relationship over the years, I didn’t feel comfortable being completely forthcoming with him. I logged onto facebook instant messenger to find a message from a member of her immediate family asking if I knew anything about Sandy’s whereabouts. I shared, with that person, my most recent communication with Sandy. Her family member did not seem to share my concerns about Sandy’s husband but did provide me with the email address of the investigator handling Sandy’s case. I promptly sent my most recent correspondence with Sandy to the investigator and have yet to receive so much as an acknowledgement of its receipt. Similarly, others have reportedly shared concerns supported by verifiable and written documentation with the Allen Police without response.
Several of Sandy’s close friends launched a Facebook page to get the word out about Sandy’s disappearance. Jason left several public comments on the page which were disturbing in that they disparaged Sandy, seemed to be of a hostile nature rather than one of concern, and were later discovered to be inconsistent with the facts surrounding her case. Jason later deleted his comments; although, those running the page were able to capture screenshots which have been provided to the Allen Police. At this point, I don’t feel comfortable publicly sharing those screenshots. However, I will share a couple of apparent inconsistencies.
- Jason made the following comments on the “Save our Sandy” Facebook page immediately prior to a journalist sharing a press release confirming Sandy’s status as a missing person and requesting that anyone with information about Sandy communicate it to the police.
- Jason claimed to have made a Facebook post about Sandy being missing. However, it was not visible on his page, nor was such status visible on Sandy’s page. Jason did state on the “Save our Sandy” page that the police had discouraged the family from making facebook posts but that they, eventually, decided to do so.
Sandy’s body was found on Thursday afternoon, in her vehicle, behind Allen Community theater by Jason and Sandy’s sister who flew in from out of town. It was reported in a news article that this location is about 100 yards from her home. 100 yards. That begs the question: How is it possible for a person to be found 100 yards from home after being missing for 5 days? 100 yards can be easily be covered by one person, on foot, within an hour or two at most. Jason said he’d been looking for days.
I’m struggling to imagine a scenario where the police took Sandy’s disappearance seriously, made any effort to search for her, AND failed to find her 100 yards from home.
I am, certainly, not privy to the details of the investigation of Sandy’s death. But I do know that I have not been contacted regarding the information that I shared. My friends, who also contacted the police have allegedly not been contacted. The media reports that there were no signs of “physical trauma” and that “foul play is not suspected.” If Sandy’s death could be immediately attributed to natural causes, I have to believe that this would have been reported to the public to prevent unfounded speculation.
Why was there no media coverage about her disappearance until Thursday, shortly before her body was found? Why were there no apparent organized efforts to locate Sandy? Why does it seem like the police aren’t actively investigating Sandy’s death?
Sandy’s life mattered. There is enough information readily available to the police to treat it as suspicious (assuming it cannot be attributed to natural causes) and conduct an investigation accordingly.
Sandy’s life mattered. The police have an obligation to investigate her death.
Sandy’s life mattered. The public has a moral obligation to hold the police accountable.
Sandy’s life mattered. Why wasn’t her disappearance treated like it does? Why does it appear that her death is not being treated like it did?
Editing to add a comment that Sandy’s sister just posted: “Hello everyone. This has been an extremely difficult time for all of us and we appreciate your support. I am one of Sandy’s sisters and I’m writing to let you all know that we, Sandy’s family, have been in close contact with the Allen Police Department since the beginning. The investigation is ongoing and all the tips and information you have given to the Allen Police Department is being examined and investigated. If you all have further information to share please email Brandon White at email@example.com. If you wish to be anonymous please text keyword: ALLENPD and your tip to 847411. We assure you APD is doing a thorough investigation and this takes time. Again, thank you all for your support.”
Would the police be so nonchalant if she’d been white?
That’s the same question that many of us are forced to ask.
are you freaking kidding me.
I’ve had a bad gut feeling about this one all along as well. While she had posted about trouble in her marriage recently, she was always positive otherwise and ALWAYS had the attitude of keeping going no matter what the circumstances. I’m not one to judge. My family situation isn’t much different than hers as far as children go, and I have stopped judging since the day my child with disabilities was born. Our group (meaning parents of children with special needs) are a close-knit, non-judgmental one. I’m not the only one who sees red flags all over this. I’m so glad that you are brave enough to call it out. I’m not close enough to her to call out anything, and I got the feeling that no one close to her was going to. I do remember reading from a family member that they were not informed that she was missing until sometime later as well. Having several days of a head-start certainly makes one wonder why not share so her friends and family could help look?
I have screen shots as well, but I’m afraid mine don’t tell as much as yours probably do. I think it would make sense to have a private investigator hired if this case is closed quickly.
Thanks for writing. Would you mind emailing me? Bethryan2659@aol.com.
Thank you ❤
Thank you for posting this. I have had gut feeling about this since I first heard about it. I don’t know what happened but the Sandy I knew, the one I confided in, the one who confided in me, would never leave her children.
I have had these same thoughts. It felt wrong from the moment I found out. I don’t know what happened but the Sandy I confided in and that confided in me would never leave her children.
How can anyone or any policing agency assign such insignificance to this tragedy? Inaction certainly indicates that his is the case, Pretty shameful.
This story is so sad. I, too, feel there is foul play. I not only think race is playing a factor in the investigation, but perhaps in her death as well. There’s a saying that goes: show me 5 friends and you’ll see yourself. Well, I went onto Jason’s FB Page and statting looking thru his friends/family members pages and to be honest, I find it quite odd that someone with the circle or family and friends that he has even married an Africam American. I get the strangest feeling that she was devalued and dehumanized by Jason in so many was. I believe he may have grown tired of having an AA wife. Unfortunately, racism is alive and well; especially in the south. I can only imagine the backlash he received from friends and family. Allthough he has beautiful bi-racial girls, that will not stop the evil seed of racism that lies in hateful individuals. I pray this is not the case and that I am wrong, but I don’t believe that I am. God bless Sandy’s 5 girls and her family. I pray those girls grow up with noting but love and happiness. May Sandy rest in peace and be a guiding light to her girls. 🙏🏾❤️
This blog is absolutely disgusting and ridiculous! Please let this poor family grieve in peace!!
I am one of Sandy’s friends. You know, the kind that actually had play dates, girls night outs and coffee. I knew her beyond blogs, facebooks, texts, etc. She was my FRIEND!
I will not entertain any comments on this so don’t even bother. I pray to God that her older kids and when the younger ones grow up, that they never see this hate and accusations that you are spreading without any true facts.
I was a good enough friend for Sandy to choose to confide in me. I’m also a good enough friend to believe what she said to me.
I’m sure that you had your own kind of friendship with Sandy but that doesn’t invalidate mine. It’s not a contest.
I agree with Rebecca’s comment. Sandy’s family is grieving and they do not need this right now. I agree everyone has their own stories and experiences with Sandy. I am local and have complete confidence in the ALLEN Police Department to do a complete investigation. Putting ANYONE on blast at this point without ALL the facts is reckless. For GOD sake have more class and respect for Sandy and her family, Sandy hasn’t even been laid to rest yet . #RIPSandy
I’m wondering on what grounds you have complete confidence in the Allen Police? Because they were so proactive when Sandy went missing? Because they notified the media? Because they organized search efforts? Because they followed up with people that came forward privately with information? They did none of that. What am I missing?
I will never “put someone on blast” if he is doing his job. Nor would I ever blast a grieving husband who didn’t abuse his wife.
Maybe you dont believe that Sandy was a used. That makes you NOT her friend. Or maybe Sandy never confided in you and you think the half dozen or so of us that she did confide in. That makes you not a close friend.
I’ve got all of the facts that I need to make demanding a thorough investigation morally imperative.
Tell me, Sandy’s friend, what did you do to support her through her abusive marriage? Why would a real friend avoid these hard truths that bring justice?
And tell us, Sandy’s local friends, where were you when the media needed to be contacted to get the word out to find her? Where were you in promoting the search efforts? Did you even know Sandy as well as you think you did, because she would have been doing exactly what her blog/facebook/text friends are doing to make sure the investigation into her disappearance and death are given proper attention from authorities.
THANK YOU! I appreciate you stepping up and sharing your suspicions. Sandy was loved by many and her life mattered enough for her friends to stand in the gap and demand justice. RIP Sweet Sandy❤️
Now, I agree with you. I smell a big fat rat!!! My favorite show is snapped and forensic files. I have a great instinct for things not feeling right. I got the screenshot that he wrote on his page. Everything he just about said along with his tone is incriminating to me. On snapped, natural causes always means a second person needs to examine the body. There is always some poison or other method used to make the death appear to be of natural causes.
We all know Sandy and didn’t have to speak with her to often to know how much she loved her daughters. I don’t for one second believe that she checked out on her girls knowing all their issues. As mothers, we fear that no one can do for them like we do especially if they have autism. I’m so upset and distraught by her death. Sorry for rambling.
Sandy adored her daughters. Thank you for honoring her memory by reminding everyone of that. ❤
death by natural causes definition
I know my mother’s death was classified as “natural causes” because she had congestive heart failure, emphysema, and various other chronic illnesses where the natural course of progression is death. I didn’t know Sandy was that ill, but then I haven’t been following her recently. I guess her doctor knows best.
Hello everyone. This has been an extremely difficult time for all of us and we appreciate your support. I am one of Sandy’s sisters and I’m writing to let you all know that we, Sandy’s family, have been in close contact with the Allen Police Department since the beginning. The investigation is ongoing and all the tips and information you have given to the Allen Police Department is being examined and investigated. If you all have further information to share please email Brandon White at firstname.lastname@example.org. If you wish to be anonymous please text keyword: ALLENPD and your tip to 847411. We assure you APD is doing a thorough investigation and this takes time. Again, thank you all for your support.
So I haven’t seen much lately but I’m going to confess how much Sandy’s death scares me. It scares me beyond anything has ever scared me before. It scares me because I feel like I see what could be me.
I’m not a minority, so in that way we differ. But I’m a woman who left everything behind when I realized my child had special needs. Everything came second: my career ended as did most friendships. Sure I made new friends and they were close…but they too have little time on their hands.
When I left my career and started to give 100% to my children, there was a shift in my marriage. My husband felt that my child became a higher priority than him. He sought connections – not physical ones but emotional ones – elsewhere. I sought connections – not physical but emotional – elsewhere. His retaliation was to discount me to the point of wanting out, but feeling trapped. Because of my child, I cannot work. Because I cannot work, I cannot support my kids. My skills are rusty, and I’d be forced to rely on someone else raising them. I’m developing anxiety and depression.
Just before this happened with Sandy, we had our worst episode yet. I actually thought about one of her desperate posts in the middle of it. My husband accused me of lying about where I had been. He had all these reasons for thinking that. None of them made sense to me, and it felt like he was stalking me and looking to catch me doing something dishonest. I have NO IDEA why he would suspect me. I’ve never cheated on him. I can’t think of when I’ve gone anywhere and told him I was somewhere else. It seemed like he was picking a fight. I could prove my whereabouts but was so angry I didn’t at first just waiting for him to back off and apologize for his ridiculous behavior. Is he trying to divert my attention by putting me on the defense? I don’t know. So as this is going on with Sandy, I’m suddenly feeling like I’m sharing a bed with a stranger.
He tells me I’m wound up tight. He tells me I’m acting crazy. He tells me I’m imagining things/hearing things. The first one might be true sometimes – no wonder. The rest are absolutely not.
One thing I know beyond all else. My life revolves around this defenseless child to the point that I’d give up everything to defend him. Not for a second would I leave him to allow this person I feel like I barely know anymore and who is destroying me internally to raise him.
Another thing…even those who know us would never believe the person my husband is behind closed doors. As I said before…he’s kept his friendships going and his relationships strong outside our home. My friendships consist of moms I’ve met online mostly and some in person. We have a lot in common. I can go to them about my life as a mom, but not as my life as a wife.
My husband cares a lot about his charming reputation. He would never want to be seen by others with the eyes I see him with. I never thought it might go beyond words and our house. Now I wonder.
Your speaking up makes me think. But it also makes me stand firm that Sandy wouldn’t leave her children behind.
It sounds like you’re experiencing pretty classic gas lighting– or a term I don’t like but is often used in discussions around domestic abuse: “crazy making.”
There are likely services for victims of domestic abuse in your area. You might not be ready to take that step but definitely worth finding out what kind of help is available to you. If you need help finding them, please email me. Bethryan2659@aol.com.
Sending you love.
I agree with you. I’m Sandy’s older sister, Tina. I KNOW that she would not leave her children behind like that (not voluntarily). I have this sick feeling in my stomach everytime I think about her disappearance and death. Something doesn’t add up!!!
What is being done?
Any updates? Toxicology? It’s like this story disappeared, and it shouldn’t!
I knew Sandy as well, not tight but I knew her and her husband and girls. I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately. I was thinking the same thing, the story has disappeared. Has there been an official cause of death?
To Sandy’s sister:
Please know that she was so loved and that we haven’t and won’t forget her. ❤️
I’m in Florida and I’ve been following Sandy’s story. My heart breaks for her girls and family. I just spoke to the Allen Police Department who was very guarded about her case. I’m not sure what the outcome of the investigation was but I pray there are answers provided to the family.
I am so glad I am not the only one … Sandy was a great friend to me.We had great conversations I met her in a support group when my daughter was first Dx Autistic.She was so supportive.I cried for hours when I realized she was gone and again when I saw Jason’s page.It hit me like a gut punch that something wasn’t right.I googled her name looking for answers.Thank you for this I am happy to see that I am not the only one who noticed the red flags… I am glad to see that she has friends looking for answers…. #Rip Sandy Thank you for always listening to me….. Thank you for sharing your life and being a wonderful friend !
I have yet to hear any updates in this woman’s case. Have the police continued to investigate? Are there any leads or closure to this?
So very sad. please family continue the investgation.Something just is not looking quite right. I didnt know Sandy but my heart is heavy for her family. Im so curious!
It’s been a year. I have seen no updates. I seriously need closure on this. It haunts me.