Tongue in cheek: Autism Parenting Olympics

autism olympics

Some of you might have heard that I am trying out for the Autism Parenting Olympics team.  I think that I have a really good chance of standing on that podium or getting darn near close to it.

If I medal, I will be sure to get endorsements from all of the martyr mommies out there, so I am really excited about that.

But the real prize?  It is the honor of having a child who is Autistic enough for me to be able to speak with authority on the topic of effective parenting strategies.

I know that I will have to sacrifice a lot in order to be a contender–my child’s privacy, dignity, trust, and a little lotta bit of her humanity.  But it will be so worth it when the other parents pat me on my back and tell me that I really do have the hardest life of any parent because I will have proven that I have the most Autistic child in the Universe.  And beyond.

I have some definite strengths which will be easy and high scoring points.  My child is non-verbal.  Score BIG!  She needs around the clock support.  Score!

She has medical co-morbids like Epilepsy which will help me rack up some points.  I do need to work on using Autism and her co-morbid conditions interchangeably if I want to receive top marks.

She has a history of sleep disturbances but has been sleeping well lately.  With any luck, she will stop that so I can score the maximum sympathy points.

My biggest weakness is that poop smearing is not a problem for us.  However, she does enjoy smearing yogurt.  I wonder if I could parlay that into at least a few points if I don’t let on that I encourage this sensory exploration?

I’m training rigorously by reading lots of blogs written by previous medal winners and am even watching other contenders train on their blogs.  I have to admit, they set a really high bar…the level of exploitation is absolutely exceptional.

But I am confident in my ability to overcome this obstacle of being happy.  Especially if I throw  20+ hours of expensive abusive therapy into the mix.

Please wish me well on my road to Autism Olympic gold!

11 thoughts on “Tongue in cheek: Autism Parenting Olympics

  1. OOH! OOH! OOH! Can I enter?! I’ll have to go for Silver or Bronze, tho’, because we don’t have epilepsy (it is *we* since it’s really about me, too, right?). We have to have locks and gates everywhere so that should earn me some points, right? Would it be cheating if I pretended that she wasn’t autistic before she got her vaccines?

  2. Oh Beth, I do like you.

    Giggled at the yoghurt smearing. Our guy never smeared poo either, but he did write his name on the wall in vegemite once, which looked an awful lot like poo. Do I get keeping up appearances points for that?

  3. My child has self-injurious behavior but I have never made a video of her doing it and posted it on the web for the world to see. I suppose I’d lose points for that. ?????

  4. Wait a minute. Aren’t you a Person With Autism yourself? according to the Autism Olympics bylaws, that disqualifies you, because obviously your child must be the one taking care of you.

  5. Reblogged this on Never Less Than Everything and commented:
    The very sad thing is that the tongue in cheek parent is not completely fictional. I have come across many in autism support groups and the like. It is a very sad state of affairs that so often it seems to be far more about the mom and their suffering than on the support and the best outcomes for the actual autistic child involved.
    I could easily reel off a bunch of things that are struggles in some respects, that would “qualify” me but how does that assist my kids. How does it bring them acceptance, inclusion and the possibility of the best possibly outcomes?

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