Some of you might have heard that I am trying out for the Autism Parenting Olympics team. I think that I have a really good chance of standing on that podium or getting darn near close to it.
If I medal, I will be sure to get endorsements from all of the martyr mommies out there, so I am really excited about that.
But the real prize? It is the honor of having a child who is Autistic enough for me to be able to speak with authority on the topic of effective parenting strategies.
I know that I will have to sacrifice a lot in order to be a contender–my child’s privacy, dignity, trust, and a little lotta bit of her humanity. But it will be so worth it when the other parents pat me on my back and tell me that I really do have the hardest life of any parent because I will have proven that I have the most Autistic child in the Universe. And beyond.
I have some definite strengths which will be easy and high scoring points. My child is non-verbal. Score BIG! She needs around the clock support. Score!
She has medical co-morbids like Epilepsy which will help me rack up some points. I do need to work on using Autism and her co-morbid conditions interchangeably if I want to receive top marks.
She has a history of sleep disturbances but has been sleeping well lately. With any luck, she will stop that so I can score the maximum sympathy points.
My biggest weakness is that poop smearing is not a problem for us. However, she does enjoy smearing yogurt. I wonder if I could parlay that into at least a few points if I don’t let on that I encourage this sensory exploration?
I’m training rigorously by reading lots of blogs written by previous medal winners and am even watching other contenders train on their blogs. I have to admit, they set a really high bar…the level of exploitation is absolutely exceptional.
But I am confident in my ability to overcome this obstacle of being happy. Especially if I throw 20+ hours of expensive abusive therapy into the mix.
Please wish me well on my road to Autism Olympic gold!